better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
