I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
Randomize
