I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
Redeem this text for a blowjob
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
Randomize
