I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
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