I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
what the fuck happened to the tacos
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
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