His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
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