I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
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