with your own penis?
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
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