You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
Randomize
