My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
Can you repeat that, but with context?
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
Randomize
