No, drunk sperm still make babies.
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
Randomize
