I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
If I die, sorry about rent.
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
Randomize
