I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
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