I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
Randomize
