pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
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