I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
Randomize
