omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
I stole a fireplace last night.
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
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