party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
Swine flu is the new snow day.
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
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