sooo how much is appropriate to spend on a vibrator? what if it is really legit looking?
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
