He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
Randomize
