Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
Randomize
