we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
Randomize
