What would a frattoo be? Maybe like the Chinese symbol for Keystone Light.
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
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