Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
