im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
Randomize