so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
Randomize
