shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
Randomize
