It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
Attn: you have now used your free, one time admission to pleasure town. Thank you for visiting I hope you enjoyed your trip. All future trips to P.T. Will cost you full admission price. We have different pricing plans to accommodate different situations, and remember it is more of a bartering system than a set price. Your patronage is always welcomed and once again thank you for visiting and have a fantastic evening.
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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