I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
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