just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
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