i may or may not be watching the land before time
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
