If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
