please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
third nipple confirmed
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
Randomize
