ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
he puts the penis in happiness.
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
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