friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
We are all done wearing pants today
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
Randomize
