so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
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