so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
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