So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
Randomize
