she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Randomize
