Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
Blood and glitter go together right?
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
Randomize
