I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Randomize
