Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
Randomize