Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize
