he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
I'm like, not good at living.
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
Randomize
