I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
Randomize
