ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
Randomize
