i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
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