You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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