Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
Randomize
