note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
He better not be in your backpack
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
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