You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
mondays should just be called national damage control day
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
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