He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
Randomize
