to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
this boner is exhausting
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
