Weren't you self-described as an 'arab' slut?
No?
Well my cheeks are red now
Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
Randomize
