Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
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