i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
Randomize