you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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