did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
Randomize
