I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
Randomize
