I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize
