i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
Randomize
