wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
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