the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
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