pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
Randomize
