this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
Randomize
