During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
I don't think brook has ever known best
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
Ladies don't puke and tell
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
Randomize
