I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
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