Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
When did angry sex become our thing?
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
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