oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Randomize
