community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
Someone came in the potted fern
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
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