3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Randomize