He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
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