hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
Randomize
