My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
Randomize
