I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
My breath smells like gin and sadness
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