There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
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