Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
It's blow job season.
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
Randomize
