It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
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