sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
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