Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
Randomize
