My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
Randomize
