PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
I've been emailing with a woman. I don't think she's into me, but we've become sorta email buddies. I'm hoping to meet her because on her profile she states she's into 'fisting.' Frankly the thought kinda freaks me out but I'm dying to see what kind of woman is 1) into that and 2) admits it upfront.
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
Randomize
