Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
is wine microwaveable?
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
Randomize