Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
Randomize
