I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
Never underestimate the power of titties
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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