I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
So many bounce houses so little time
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
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