Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
Randomize
