i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
Randomize