you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
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