Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
It's Friday. Sex?
so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
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