I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
My dick has a subreddit
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
Randomize
