I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
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