tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
i wish there were pregnant emoticons
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
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