I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
Well I just put wine in my tea
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
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